


History Between Us

by otp_tears



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future Fish, Blow Jobs, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Single Father Makoto
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-09-22 08:13:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9595466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otp_tears/pseuds/otp_tears
Summary: Rin's dealt with heartache that accompanied his assumed unrequited love of Makoto until the day Makoto got married. Unable to handle the pain, Rin withdrew from his friends. Seven years later, Aiichiro dies and leaves his only daughter, Marin, in Rin's care.Rin returns to Iwatobi and faces his broken friendships and Makoto who helps Rin adjust to parenthood. He and single-father Makoto realize that lost love doesn't have to stay lost and a second chance can arise years later.tags will be updated as things progress. I promise makorin fluff.July 18: rating changed.





	1. Shade of Brilliance

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be pure fluff with some grief-related angst. I swear to you, my good readers, that Makoto is the sweet orca you expect. (unlike my other MakoRin single parent fic....)
> 
> For some reason I'm pretty nervous to post this multi-chapter fic. I guess it's been so long since I finished up my last one I'm not used to this public pressure lol. 
> 
> Alex did the plot beta for me and Nicole did the grammar and such beta read for me. A big thanks to both!

Sousuke dusted the snow from his hair and shoulders and ducked into the emergency room. He paused at the edge of seats and watched Makoto cradle the six year old Nitori Marin. She had locked her arms around his neck hours ago and hadn’t let go since. Sousuke wasn’t sure how they’d coax her into releasing him.

Sousuke sat in an empty chair across from them. “I found her aunt.”

Makoto studied Sousuke and read his silence. The aunt wasn’t coming tonight. “Oh.” He shifted his gaze to Sousuke’s left. An empty wall. A blank space for his thoughts. “I need to let Haru know I won’t pick up Tadashi until later.”

“I’ve already called Haru and let him know what happened. He understands you’ll be late.”

“Thanks.”

Sousuke leaned back with a sigh. Marin shifted and tightened her hold where it had slacked.

“It’s good she already knew you,” Sousuke said. He’d been on the Iwatobi police force for five years, but tonight was the first time he had to witness a child become parentless.

“She goes to nursery school with Tadashi, so I’ve gotten to know Aiichiro better.”

Sousuke’s chest tightened. He’d been fighting the crush of grief for the last few hours.

“Someone should tell Rin.” Makoto said it soft enough Sousuke could’ve ignored it. He might’ve. But he agreed. Rin needed to know.

“It isn’t news that should be read in an email, but he rarely answers my calls.”

“Rarely is better than never.” Makoto’s expression gave nothing away but Sousuke knew he meant Rin ignored all of Makoto’s attempts at communication. “He answers Haru’s,” Makoto added.

Sousuke studied Makoto’s sad smile. The news needed to be delivered, but Rin had pulled away from his friends. Thrice the Olympic medalist, his life had outgrown his childhood home.

“I’ll let Haru know you think he should call Rin.” Sousuke took out his phone but stared at his contact list with Ai listed at the top.

“Are you okay?”

Sousuke took a deep breath. “Yeah.”

Makoto rested his cheek on the girl’s head. “He was your friend longer than mine. I’m sorry.”

Sousuke looked at the young girl in Makoto’s arms who had lost her world. She didn’t need grownups mourning. Not yet. “I’ll grieve off duty.”

Makoto nodded and placed his hand on Marin’s back. “When will her aunt be here?”

“A day or more.”

“I’ll watch her until then.”

Sousuke knew arguing about proper protocols would be pointless, so he saved his breath.

 

* * *

 

Rin grabbed his phone from the nightstand, cursing the caller in every language he knew. He squinted at Haru’s name displayed across the bright screen and let out another string of swear words.

“Do you know what time it is?” he answered.

There was a pause before Haru huffed and said, “No.”

Typical Haru. “Why are you calling me?”

“Are you in Tokyo yet?”

“No.” Rin glanced at the clock and groaned. The 2 a.m. wake up before a 7 a.m. flight would earn Haru a full day’s worth of aggravation, at minimum. “My flight is in five hours.”

“Oh.” Haru paused but pushed forward with a softness in his voice Rin rarely heard. “There was an accident.”

Rin sat up. “What happened?”

“Nitori is dead.”

The weight of the news formed a hard lump in his throat. He wanted it to be a prank, but Haru didn’t joke. “How?” He wasn’t all too certain he’d spoken.

“There was an accident,” Haru repeated. “If you’re in Iwatobi by Friday, the wake will be at the Nitori house.” Haru paused and added, “If you want to go. No one expects you.”

Rin hadn’t been to Iwatobi for many years and communication with old friends had been forced and short. “I’ll be there. Thanks for calling.”

“Makoto told me to. He knew you’d care.”

Rin closed his eyes and pushed down all the questions he wanted to ask about Makoto. It wouldn’t help his current emotional state. Instead he asked, “What happened to Ai?”

“He lost control of his car in the snow. Makoto was a first responder. It’s good he was there.”

Rin could only assume he meant Makoto had offered comfort to Ai during his final moments. He wouldn’t ask for clarification.

 

* * *

 

Rin took the train into Iwatobi and a taxi to the Nitori household. The town wasn’t exactly how he remembered it, but he couldn’t tell if time had changed it or if the feeling of grief mixed with dread altered his perception. He hadn’t talked with most, if not all, of the friends expected to gather and mourn Aiichiro. After so many years of silence, Rin believed he should be unwelcome.

He entered the yard and saw a young girl in a black dress in front of the small garden that ran along the side of the yard. She looked at Rin with eyes that matched Ai’s in color. Rin opened his mouth to greet her but she turned and ran into the backyard.

Rin continued into the house.

“Rin?”

Rin looked up. “Makoto?” He seemed taller since the last time Rin saw him, but his unmistakable smile hadn’t changed a bit.

“I wasn’t sure you’d come.”

“I was on my way to Tokyo when Haru called.” Rin approached Makoto. His black suit fit him well and rekindled a longing Rin had spent a lifetime suppressing. It also reminded him of the reason he’d finally returned to Iwatobi.

“Oh.” Makoto’s smile wavered but held. “It isn’t the best circumstance, but I’m happy to see you. It’s been”—he took a breath that held apologies Rin wanted to say but couldn’t voice—” a long time.”

“Yeah.” Rin offered a smile through the spike of guilt that managed, for a moment, to overpower his grief. “Do you still live in Iwatobi?”

“Yes.” Makoto took Rin by the elbow and directed him out of the entranceway and into the room to their left. “I’m still a paramedic with the fire department. Almost seven years now.”

“Really?” It felt as if Makoto had just started. It was around the time Rin stopped talking to him. “That’s good.” He opened his mouth to ask about his wife, but decided he didn’t want to know, and let silence settle between them.

“I can’t remember the last time we talked.” The awkward silence showed in Makoto’s nervous smile.

Rin thought back and aside from a few emails or messages sent through Haru, he couldn’t remember the last time he exchanged words with Makoto. The guilt grew heavier.

“I watched the Olympics over the summer,” Makoto continued in Rin’s silence. “You were amazing.”

“Ah. Thanks.” Rin swallowed. He didn’t deserve Makoto’s friendliness after the estrangement Rin had caused, but he’d enjoy it for the moment and pretend things were how they used to be. “I might retire.”

“Oh? What will you do next?”

“Maybe coach. I don’t know.”

“I think that’s a great profession for you, Rin. Although, I can’t imagine you not reaching for another gold.”

“Why didn’t you go into coaching like you wanted?”

Makoto shrugged. The question didn’t hold as much weight as Rin thought it would. “There wasn’t a position for a coach where we wanted to raise a family.”

The topic Rin wanted to avoid: Makoto’s family. He got married in his final year of university, and Rin dedicated twice as much energy into his career. The excuse to miss the wedding was hardly a good one, but Rin couldn’t bear to witness Makoto exchange vows with someone else.

“I saw a girl in the front yard,” Rin said, tiptoeing the topic. “Is she yours?”

“A girl? Hm.” Makoto tilted his head. “It was probably Marin. Aiichiro’s daughter.”

“Ai’s? But she looked too old.”

“She’s a month younger than Tadashi, so she’s six.”

“Tadashi?”

“My son.”

Rin nodded against the rising tide of guilt. How had he not known Makoto’s son’s name? “Your wife must be here too.”

Makoto shook his head. “We’re divorced.”

“Divorced? You?”

“We weren’t honest about the things we wanted. It’s just me and Tadashi now.”

Rin wanted to offer condolences, but it seemed inappropriate for a divorce. “Oh. How long ago was that?”

“Tadashi is six, so five years.”

Five years? Rin forced a smile through his guilt and shame. He spoke to Haru on occasion, but he hadn’t asked about Makoto, and Haru never offered unsolicited information. Rin could hardly call himself a friend anymore.

“Dad.” A boy tugged at Makoto’s sleeve and brought back his full smile.

“Tadashi.” Makoto knelt to be on Tadashi’s eye level. “I want you to meet an old friend of mine. Matsuoka Rin.”

Tadashi studied him in a way that made Rin feel as if he could read his thoughts. It reminded him of a younger Makoto.

“Nice to meet you, Matsuoka-san,” Tadashi said and turned back to his father. “Let me stay the night at Haru-san’s.”

Makoto pressed his lips together. “What did Haru say?”

“He said it was okay.”

“I don’t think Haru should have guests tonight. He works early tomorrow.”

“I’m never a bother. I clean up after myself. And Haru-san is fun.”

“He’s fun because he doesn’t have rules.”

“Please, Dad.”

Makoto’s resolve crumbled and he stood. “Let’s talk with Haru. Where is he?”

“Near the pond. He likes to touch the surface even though it’s frozen. Why does he do that?”

“He’s”—Makoto sighed—“he’s Haru.” He turned a smile onto Rin. “Sorry I took so much of your time.”

“It’s fine.” Rin inhaled and smothered the words he wanted to say. “Maybe I’ll catch up with you later.”

It took Makoto a moment, but he nodded and said, “Yes. Please do. Excuse us.” He offered Tadashi his hand and led him toward the front door. Rin watched them until they were out of sight.

“You made it.”

Rin turned around and faced the familiar voice. “Sousuke.” He smiled, toeing the edge of a neglected friendship filled with years of silence and too many unanswered calls and emails.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Sousuke’s scowl broke into a small smile that spread relief through Rin’s chest. “You’re an idiot, you know?”

“I know.”

“It’s because of Makoto, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“It’s been years, Rin.”

Rin knew how stupid he’d been, but knowledge couldn’t fix his particular brand of stubborn. “I’m aware. Before I knew it, it had been too long, and I couldn’t just call out of the blue.”

“You could’ve.” Sousuke smiled wryly. “Things change. People grow. Time didn’t stop just because you were gone. And no one forgot you.”

It had been easy to ignore the life he’d left behind, but regret was a cruel thing that hid in the shadow of complacency.

“Do you plan to stay?” Sousuke asked.

“For a few days.”

“I hope we hear from you more often after you leave.”

“You will.” Rin intended to keep that promise.

Sousuke nodded over his shoulder. “Aiichiro’s aunt asked to see you.”

 

* * *

 

Rin found Ai’s aunt seated alone in the kitchen. She seemed older than Rin had expected. He greeted her and she invited him to join her at the table.

“I’m glad you came today,” she started. “Aiichiro left a request that involves you, but I understand if you deny it.”

“A request?”

“He wanted you to take in his daughter, Marin.”

“What?” Rin saw himself as probably the worst choice for a guardian. “Are you certain?”

“Yes. He was very clear about it.”

“What about her mother?”

“Marin’s mother passed away when Marin was three. Cancer took her in under six months. I’m the only family she has now, but I’m not fit to raise a child. I’m too old.”

“What about Makoto? He and Ai were close, so wouldn’t he trust Marin to Makoto?”

“Tachibana-san is a single father with his own child to raise.”

“But.” Rin shook his head. He lived in Australia, far away from anything Ai’s daughter would know and feel safe around after losing her dad. Why Ai had wanted him to take custody didn’t make sense. “There has to be someone better. A more suitable parent or a relative.”

Ai’s aunt hesitated but nodded. “I have a niece who might be able to take her in, but she lives near Akita, so we’ll need time to make arrangements.”

It would also be far from Marin’s home, but Australia would be further. “I’ll watch over her until then. I can stay in Iwatobi for longer than planned.”

“I would appreciate that, and it might satisfy Aiichiro’s wish.”

“When did he make this request?”

“After his wife passed away.”

Rin accepted the information with a nod, but the fact stung deep. He’d fled to Australia for selfish reasons that didn’t involve Ai, but Ai had never given up on their friendship. He owed it to him to at least watch Marin a few days.

“I’ll take care of Marin until your niece can make arrangements. It’s the least I can do.”

 

* * *

 

After the service, Rin sat down beside Marin on the porch. She glanced over and scrutinized him. “Are you dad’s friend?”

Rin wasn’t certain he still qualified as Ai’s friend, but he wanted to believe he did. “Yes. From a long time ago.”

“What’s your name?”

“Matsuoka Rin.”

“Oh. You swim on TV.”

“Uh. Yeah.” Rin knew he was somewhat famous, but not enough for children under ten to care.

“Dad used to watch swimming and point to the TV and say, ‘I knew him.’”

Knew. Past tense. “Yeah. He knew me.”

“He liked you.”

“I liked him.”

Marin nodded and directed her attention to Makoto and Tadashi near the patch of snowy ground that would be a garden in warmer weather. Rin followed her gaze.

“Did your aunt tell you what’s happening?”

“Hm.” Marin nodded. “She said you’ll look after me until someone else can.”

“Yeah. You’ll be able to stay near home this way.”

“Why can’t I stay here?”

Rin didn’t know how to explain the situation to her. “Your aunt is selling the house to give you money.” He hoped the explanation would be enough.

“Okay.” Marin rubbed a smudge of dirt on her dress. Rin wondered if she understood the reason at all.

“Do you want to live with me, Marin?”

“Yes. Dad liked you.”

That simple fact was enough for Marin, so it would be enough for Rin. “Okay, then.”

“Marin-chan,” Tadashi called and Marin dropped off of the porch. They ran toward the backyard together.

Makoto stood near the garden but when their gazes met, he joined Rin on the porch.

“It’s good you decided to take Marin-chan. Aiichiro would be happy.”

Rin frowned. “It’s only until another relative can make arrangements. I’m not dad material like you, but I can help for a few days.”

“Oh.” Makoto studied the yard. “Where will you be staying tonight?”

“I have a hotel room. I didn’t expect to have a kid with me when I booked it, so I’ll need to be moved into one with two beds.”

“You can stay with me.”

Rin looked at Makoto and his gentle smile that had knocked Rin head over heels a lifetime ago. His heart fluttered against his better judgement. “What?”

“It’s temporary but better than a hotel. Plus, Marin-chan and Tadashi get along.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. She stayed with us until her aunt arrived.”

It would be easier in all aspects but one: Rin’s unmended heart. He’d spent most of his adult life avoiding Makoto in order to stifle the pain of expected rejection. Suddenly dumping himself into Makoto’s life could be a problem.

“Thank you, Makoto, but—” Rin heard Marin call for Tadashi and his reply laced through a giggle. His emotions didn’t count. A hotel with a stranger was the last thing she needed. “I’ll have to repay you,” Rin finished. Makoto blinked and chuckled.

“No repayment necessary.” He stood and smiled again. “I’ll let them know.”

“Okay. Thanks, Makoto.”

Makoto nodded and left Rin alone.

 

* * *

 

Marin went with Makoto and Tadashi and Rin returned to his hotel for his luggage. On his way to Makoto’s home, he made a stop at the convenience store. When he reached the address Makoto had typed into his phone, he recognized the area. Haru’s house wasn’t too far away.

“Matsuoka-san,” Tadashi greeted Rin at the door and reached for his luggage. Rin helped him slide it into the corner.

“Tadashi, right?”

“Yes.” Tadashi tugged at his sweater sleeve. His eyes were Makoto’s, but his hair and nose were not gifted from the Tachibana side. Rin couldn’t remember what Makoto’s wife looked like but maybe she had light hair and a small nose.

“Dinner should be ready soon,” Tadashi said. “You’ll sleep in the guest room.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

Job done, Tadashi turned and ran down the hall toward Makoto’s voice. Rin left his shoes behind and followed into an opened living space that connected to the kitchen.

“Rin,” Makoto said his name like a happy surprise. Rin smiled. “We made curry for dinner.”

“Great.” Rin set his bag from the convenience store in a corner out of the way.

Marin entered the room with four plates. She set them on the table and Tadashi spread them to the correct spaces. Rin joined Makoto in the kitchen but watched the two fill glasses of water from a pitcher.

“I don’t think I was that helpful at age 6,” Rin commented.

“I bet you were.” Makoto smiled.

Rin could let himself believe they were 17 again in Haru’s kitchen. Between friendship and heavy goals, the sparks of young love would never catch fire, but the embers still occasionally burned Rin.

“When did you learn how to cook?”

Makoto chuckled. “We would’ve starved if I hadn’t. Haru helped a lot.”

“You had a professional chef teach you. I expect it to at least be edible.”

“I promise it is. Tadashi and Marin helped tonight.”

“I was definitely not that helpful at age 6.”

 

* * *

 

Dinner was edible and enjoyable. Tadashi told Rin about nursery school and how Marin can draw cats really well. Marin kept quiet unless spoken to. She didn’t seem sad. Just quiet. Rin understood. He remembered the feeling of losing a parent at an age where death was a concept, not an emotion. But he’d had his mom and sister. Marin had an aunt who didn’t want her and the friendship of the Tachibana family.

After dinner, Makoto sent Marin to bathe first and Tadashi to prepare the extra futon for Rin. Rin moved his convenience store bag into the fridge and helped Makoto clean the kitchen.

“Where will you and Marin stay until her relative can take her?”

Rin rubbed the back of his neck. He didn’t really know what to do with a kid. “My mom recently moved closer to Gou but hasn’t sold the house yet. We could stay there.”

“That’s right. You’re going to be an uncle soon.”

“Yeah.” Rin hadn’t given it much thought. It’d been harder to separate himself from Gou, but the distance was felt between them nonetheless.

“Will you take Marin to her current nursery school even if you’re at your mom’s in Sano?” Makoto asked.

“Do I need to? It isn’t like I’ll be working.”

Makoto rinsed the final dish. “It’s the only thing that hasn’t changed in her life.”

Rin understood what he meant. “I’ll be sure she goes.”

Makoto dried his hands and faced Rin with a smile so warm and soft around the edges Rin could easily fall in love all over again.

“I believe you’ll do whatever you can for Marin. Aiichiro must’ve believed the same.”

In the time period Marin would be under his care, Rin would at least try his best. Despite the unexpected detour in his life and training, he owed it to Ai.

“Thanks, Makoto. How hard can it be to look after a kid anyway?”

Makoto smiled. It wasn’t pity, but Rin had a sudden feeling that he was in more over his head than he believed. “You’re confident.”

“That’s a surprise?”

Makoto chuckled. “Would you get Tadashi and Marin ready in the morning and take them to nursery school? It would be a big help if I could go into work early, but since it’s your first day it might be overwhelming so it’s okay if—”

“Yes. It’s no problem.” Rin grinned. Even now he wouldn’t back down from a challenge, but it would also help Makoto so he would do it anyway.

“Are you sure?”

“I used to be responsible for Gou. I’m not entirely without experience.”

Makoto hesitated but nodded. “Thank you, Rin. You can call me with any questions.”

“I’ll be fine.”

Makoto smiled and offered no argument or agreement. Rin felt his unspoken doubts in the silence.

Marin entered the kitchen dressed in pink pajamas with a hairbrush clutched in her hand. She looked at Rin and then to Makoto. “Tachibana-san, can you fix my hair?”

“Call me Makoto,” Makoto reminded gently and took the brush. “Sit down at the table.”

Marin climbed into a chair. Rin stood back and watched Makoto brush her wet hair, part it, and brush it again. Rin had done similar for Gou many times, but she always fussed about it, unlike Marin who remained silent throughout.

 

* * *

 

Rin took his bath after Tadashi and Makoto. Dried and dressed, he returned to the kitchen and the only light left on in the house. Makoto looked up from a mess of papers spread across the dining table.

“Your futon is ready. The spare room is down the hall.” He gestured to his left.

Rin nodded and opened the fridge. He dug into the convenience store bag and took out two beers.

“Where are the kids?”

“They’re in Tadashi’s room. Hopefully asleep, but Tadashi likes to talk, so I doubt it.”

Rin tapped one can against Makoto’s shoulder. Makoto looked at it a moment longer than needed to understand the offer and accepted it with a quiet thanks.

Rin gestured to the paperwork. “What’s all this?”

“Reports for work. I’m behind. It’s been a busy few days.”

“Can I help?” Rin opened his beer and slid into the chair across from Makoto.

“You can sit there and keep me company.”

“That helps?”

Makoto chuckled. “It’s what I tell Tadashi to keep him out of the papers. Sorry, Rin. It’s a habit, I guess.”

“I promise to keep out of the papers.”

“I trust you more than him and crayons.”

“He seems well behaved.”

“He is, but he’s still a kid.”

“Right.” Rin settled back. From his vantage point, he studied the framed photos on the walls and shelves of a family of two occasionally joined by Makoto’s parents, Haru, and twice by a reluctant Sousuke. Rin’s apartment was bare in comparison. He’d missed out on a part of life his friends had experienced without him. He didn’t regret his career. He didn’t have remorse over a lack of photo-worthy moments. But in Makoto’s kitchen he felt a restless tug of a desire he couldn’t name.

“I always envisioned you with kids,” Rin said. “Two. Maybe three.”

Makoto lowered his pen but didn’t look up. “Tadashi is everything I’ve wanted.” He smiled and raised his gaze to Rin’s. “Two would’ve been nice, but I’m happy with just the one.”

Rin shrugged. “There’s still time for more if you want another.”

“Are you still single?”

Rin was used to the question from interviewers and his family. He knew his answer without thought. “Yes. I have no one in my life but my coach, manager, and the occasional fling.” He heard the bitterness in his voice but didn’t care to correct it or put a spin on the situation. He’d lie to others and say he was happiest alone, but Makoto would see through him anyway.

“You meet a lot of people. You could find someone.”

Makoto repeated the same line Rin had heard too many times before. He didn’t want to find and settle for someone. He wanted something he couldn’t have. He wanted a second chance at an unknown. But he knew his wants were not his needs, and he needed to let go of the past and seek out happiness elsewhere. His stubborn nature had always been more like a curse than a gift.

“I just haven’t yet.”

“Hm.” Makoto cleared his throat. “It takes time.”

Rin took a drink and erected some of his armor of half-truths. “A relationship doesn’t fit into my schedule.”

“You can’t marry a pool.”

“We both know Haru would’ve already.”

“I don’t think Haru is the monogamous pool type. He’ll swim in anything.”

Rin laughed for the first time in what felt like ages. Makoto smiled and the light of it chipped away at the shield Rin had wrapped around his heart. He couldn’t fall for Makoto again. Makoto had loved a wife and let Rin slip away. It was clear whatever had once sparked between them like static electricity had been an optimistic fantasy Rin had once been young enough to imagine.

“I’m surprised you’re divorced,” Rin admitted. “I can’t imagine any woman giving you up.”

Makoto opened his beer. The crack filled the silence. “We weren’t honest about what we wanted.”

The same line. The same smile. A lie. Rin looked away and let it go. If he had truly cared, he wouldn’t have ignored Makoto for over six years.

“Dating was easier in high school,” Rin said.

“Only Rei dated in high school,” Makoto countered without humor.

Rin snorted. How glasses had landed a girlfriend in his third year would forever remain a mystery. “It didn’t last.”

“It didn’t,” Makoto agreed. “He wasn’t honest about what he wanted.”

Rin studied the sincerity in guarded green eyes. “He and Nagisa figured it out eventually.”

Makoto dropped his gaze. “Do you still talk to them?”

Rin thought back to the few unread emails from Nagisa currently in his inbox unintentionally—maybe intentionally—ignored. “Not really.”

“I had such a crush on you in high school.”

Startled, Rin looked at Makoto. He waited for Rin’s reply without a blush or teasing smile.

“You did?” Rin asked and Makoto answered with a small smile. “Oh.” Rin lowered his gaze to the beer can growing warm in his grasp. That unknown transformed into a missed opportunity and planted the seed of a new regret. “I never noticed.”

“It’s fine. Haru’s brilliance cast a shadow on everyone around him.” Makoto gathered his paperwork and stood. “I was able to be a part of the rekindling of that light, so I’m happy. No matter what happened.”

Memories Rin couldn’t see stained Makoto’s usual tender smile. The time behind them lost to Rin’s selfishness seemed impossibly unfair. He should’ve noticed. He should’ve acted on desires he’d locked away.

“I never noticed, and then you got married. I always thought a wife was what you wanted.”

Makoto inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. “I wanted a family.”

The silence weighed heavy on Rin’s shoulders.  A thousand questions filled his head. He had a few precious seconds to open a conversation and clear up assumptions that should’ve been addressed years ago, but he couldn’t find his voice.

“I should go to bed,” Makoto said. “Goodnight, Rin.” He set his beer in the sink and turned to leave.

“Makoto.” Rin stood up. He couldn’t let him leave without saying something. _I had a crush on you too and I still might love you_ , felt inappropriate. It was true but far too late.

“You might have been in Haru’s shadow, but you had your own light. It had its own shade of brilliance that Haru’s never had.”

Makoto paused, briefly shocked, but his stunned silence melted into a smile. “Thank you, Rin. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Rin sank back into his chair and stared at the empty space across from him. It hadn’t been Haru who prevented Rin from noticing Makoto’s crush. It had been Rin’s focus on the world stage and his fear of certain rejection. Because no matter how dim Makoto believed his light had been, Rin had been blinded by its radiance. He hadn’t been good enough for Makoto then, and a second chance was out of the question.

“I’m sorry,” Rin whispered, apologizing to the part of him who still wanted Makoto. Disappointment hurt just as much as guilt.


	2. Smile the Right Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin's first day in charge of the kids doesn't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I want to update every two weeks but lost track of what day it was lol.
> 
> This chapter's grammar and such was looked over by Nicole. <3

The borrowed alarm clock woke Rin at 6 am. He got himself dressed and ready before he started on the list of instructions left pinned to the fridge by Makoto. It included a warning that Tadashi wasn’t always good with mornings. It took three tries to get Tadashi out of bed, dressed, and at the table for breakfast. Marin was quiet and patient as Rin discovered where his patience most likely ended.

“You burned the fish,” Tadashi said and poked his portion with a finger.

Rin knew he’d burned it during the many times he stepped away to check on Tadashi, but he vehemently denied it anyway. “I didn’t burn it.”

“You did.”

“It’s fine. Just eat it.”

Tadashi sighed but did as told. Rin sat down to eat his meal and noticed Marin was still in her pajamas. She’d been so quiet compared to Tadashi he hadn’t thought to check on her.

“Why aren’t you dressed?”

“Marin-chan’s clothes are in the laundry,” Tadashi answered. “If she has to wear pajamas, I should wear them too so she doesn’t stand out.”

“Makoto wouldn’t let Marin go without clean clothes. I’ll find something.” Rin stood but before he left, he pointed at Tadashi’s plate. “Eat.”

Tadashi sighed and hunched over the table. Rin left them alone and went in search of appropriate clothing for Marin. A few boxes of her belongings had been stacked in the guest room, but none contained winter clothes. He found an outfit in her luggage in Tadashi’s room and returned to the kitchen.

“Marin-chan can’t wear dresses,” Tadashi argued. Even at six he appeared as exasperated as Rin felt. “Where’s Dad?”

“Your dad’s at work. Why can’t she wear a dress? There’s leggings or whatever these are called.” He shook the stretchy purple item.

“No dresses,” Tadashi repeated.

“I’m arguing with a six year old,” Rin muttered to himself and turned to Marin. “Marin, is a dress okay?”

Marin looked at Tadashi. He shook his head. She looked at Rin. “Yes.”

Tadashi groaned and slipped down into his seat. “Marin-chaaan,”

“It’s okay, Tadashi-kun.”

Problem solved. Rin sent Tadashi to brush his teeth and sat down in his vacated seat. “Is a dress really okay, Marin? I can keep searching.”

“It’s okay, Matsuoka-san.”

“Call me Rin.”

Marin nodded and reached for the clothing. Rin let her take it and leave the table. They were 20 minutes behind schedule.

 

* * *

 

Rin shook his phone, but his frustration refused to power the battery. Makoto had left the nursery school address but not a map. If Rin had charged his phone, it wouldn’t be a problem.

“Do you know where we’re going?” Rin asked Tadashi.

“Nursery school.”

Rin frowned. The deadpan answer wasn’t helpful and Tadashi knew it. Or Rin gave a child too much credit. He didn’t spend time around kids, so they were small enigmas.

“Do you know how to get to your school?”

Tadashi looked up at him with a worried frown. “You don’t?”

Rin sighed. “No. I don’t.” He could figure it out with a useless phone, but the enigma with eyes as green as Makoto’s was the faster solution.

“Okay.” Without further prompting, Tadashi straightened his backpack, took Marin’s hand, and started down the stairs toward the road. Rin checked his watch. They were 35 minutes behind schedule.

 

* * *

 

Tadashi released Marin and reached for a handle with both hands. Rin helped him with the glass door and realized too late that the storefront was definitely not a nursery school.

“Haru-san,” Tadashi called into the cafe. Rin cringed. Of course the bakery belonged to Haru.

“Tadashi.” Haru rounded the counter and stopped in front of them. He studied the kids and raised his gaze to Rin. There was a question in his expression Rin chose to ignore. After several moments, Haru lowered his gaze back to Tadashi. “Sit there.” He pointed at a table for two against the wall. Tadashi took one seat and Marin climbed into the other.

Rin remained where he stood.

“Raspberry and lemon,” Haru said and the kids nodded.

“Don’t forget. In half, Haru-san,” Tadashi said and made a cutting motion with his hand against his palm.

Haru nodded, ruffled Tadashi’s hair, and walked away. Rin followed to the counter, unsurprised by how they interacted. It made sense that Makoto’s closet friend showed affection for his only son. Rin ignored the ache in his chest at the realization of how much he no longer fit into their lives.

“Do you know where their nursery school is?” Rin leaned against the counter and asked Haru who had knelt behind the glass display of pastries.

Haru gave him a look of annoyance. Rin had received worse, but it chilled him nonetheless. “You don’t?”

The two words echoed Tadashi’s too closely to not be a learned behavior. Tadashi and Haru saw too much of each other. Makoto would have to be careful or his son would be wearing jammers under his clothing by summer. “Tadashi said he did, but he brought us here.”

Haru’s lips curved up ever so slightly. “You let a six year old lead you?”

“He said he knew.”

The sight curve broke into a full Haru-smile. “He tricked you.” He took two pastries to the counter behind him and cut them in half.

Rin glanced at Tadashi. Tricked by a tiny Makoto. Makoto wouldn’t have done anything underhanded, but maybe Tadashi had a sweet tooth too and did whatever he could to feed it. Makoto was raising a cunning, tiny enigma who had his honest, green eyes.

“Don’t feel bad, Rin.” Haru retrieved two small milk cartons from the fridge, paused, and exchanged one for chocolate. “Tadashi is smarter than Sousuke too.”

Rin scowled. “Thanks. They already ate, you know. You don’t have to feed them.”

“Consider it a reward for outsmarting you.” Haru took the items to the table. Rin gave up and sat down nearby.

Tadashi thanked Haru, exchanged half of his raspberry pastry for half of Marin’s lemon one, and opened her milk for her. He reminded Rin of Makoto doting too carefully on Haru. Given enough time, he’d spoil Marin just the same.

“They come in here often,” Rin said to Haru.

Haru nodded and joined him at his table. “Why are they with you?”

“I thought you were a chef.”

Haru’s eyes narrowed but he addressed the new topic. “I run the restaurant next door too.”

Rin should’ve known that. He should’ve known a lot of things. “You must be busy.”

Haru turned his head away but Rin saw the flicker of emotion run through his profile. “Why don’t you have a phone?”

“I didn’t charge it last night.”

Haru huffed and left the table. He returned with a pen and paper and started a sketch of a map. “Where’s Makoto?”

“At work. He asked me to get the kids to nursery school.”

“They’re late.”

“Does it matter?”

Haru looked up. “Do you know what you’re doing?”

“Yes. It isn’t that difficult.”

Haru’s brow rose, but he said nothing to contradict Rin’s believed parenting ability. “You should tell Makoto why you’ve ignored him.” He slid the finished map across the table.

Rin held Haru’s gaze. “There’s no need to.”

“When you leave, are you going to ignore him again?”

“No.”

Haru glared for a moment. Rin shifted, uncomfortable under the scrutiny. “Are you paying for their pastries?” Haru got to his feet.

“They’re not free?”

“They’re free to friends.”

“Jeez, Haru.”

“Don’t hurt Makoto or next time the pastries won’t be free.” Haru headed toward the counter.

They were an hour behind schedule.

 

* * *

 

The nursery school refused Marin. Dresses were against dress code even with leggings underneath. Rin argued but eventually relented.

“Do you mind staying with me today?” he asked Marin who shook her head and placed her hand into his.

Tadashi leveled Rin with an expression of judgement on par with Sousuke, but Rin refused to have his confidence shaken by a six year old. Tadashi said goodbye to Marin and joined the other kids.

“Sorry, Marin,” Rin whispered. “I should’ve listened to Tadashi about the dress.”

“Can we go to the park?”

“Sure. I need to visit Sano. I know where a park is there.” Rin squeezed her hand and led her outside.

 

* * *

 

Rin took Marin to his mom’s house. It was bare of personal effects but furnished. Gou’s old room still had a bed so Rin decided it would be Marin’s. She looked at the space and accepted it with a nod.

He charged his phone at the house before they headed to the park. Marin sat on a swing and Rin called his mom to explain the situation. He could hear how disconnected from the facts he sounded. Aiichiro had died. Rin agreed to watch his daughter for a short time. The emotions related to the new reality refused to surface. He felt them behind his lungs. The weight was uncomfortable but not unbearable.

With full approval to use the house and a warning that he should call his sister soon, the call ended. Rin watched Marin until the world focused once again. Ai was dead. Rin would care for his daughter until better arrangements could be made. It was simple to narrow everything down to basics and separate himself from the weight in his chest.

For the first time he could remember, it was easy to divorce himself from his emotions. The line between emotion and reality became a wall without physical effort. Rin didn’t need swim practice as a distraction for this heartache.

“Marin,” Rin called. “Do you want me to push you?”

Marin looked over her shoulder. “No.” She got down and walked to where he sat on a bench. “It’s cold.”

“It is,” Rin agreed.

“Are you cold?”

Rin pushed his phone into his pocket. “I’ll stay as long as you want.”

“Is that house yours?”

“It’s my mom’s.”

Marin considered this. “Why isn’t she there?”

“She’s living with my sister right now.”

Marin nodded. “I want to leave. I’m cold.”

“Let’s go back to Iwatobi.” Rin stood and took her hand. “We can have lunch and then go back to Tadashi’s house.”

“Why don’t you smile?”

“What?” Rin swallowed his knee-jerk reaction to fight the accusation. It hadn’t been an attack. She held no maliciousness. “I smile. I smile a lot.” He grinned to prove his point but Marin looked unimpressed.

“Dad smiled when he knew I saw him, but his smile wasn’t the same when he didn’t see me. It wasn’t the right smile. Tachibana-san smiles like that, and you do it too. Not every adult does it. I think it means you’re sad.”

Rin squeezed her hand. She was very observant for a six year old. “I guess I am. Are you sad?”

“No. I’m fine.”

Rin allowed it. Marin would work through her thoughts on her own time. “Should I try harder to smile the right way?”

“No. You should smile however you want.” Marin looked at her shoes. “Tadashi-kun told me he would smile for me, but it doesn’t work like that.”

“Tadashi seems nice.”

“He’s loud sometimes.”

Rin chuckled. It wasn’t a Makoto trait he remembered. “Loud but nice, right?”

Marin nodded. “Yes. But I like quiet too.”

 

* * *

 

Back in Iwatobi, Rin followed the instructions on Makoto’s list and bought dinner ingredients. The list ended there, but he decided he and Marin could start dinner preparations too.

After six, he glanced at his phone. “Marin, what time are you and Tadashi picked up from nursery school?”

“Hm. After five.”

“By Makoto?”

“No.” Marin studied the vegetables Rin had just cut. They sat at the dining table together with dinner ingredients between them. “It’s someone scary, but Tadashi likes him.”

“Haru?”

“No. Tama-something, maybe.”

Rin sighed. He’d reached the end of Marin’s helpful knowledge. “Okay. I’ll text Makoto.”

The front door opened and Tadashi announced, “I’m home.”

His declaration was followed by a deeper voice. “Shoes, Tadashi.”

“Sousuke?” Rin left the kitchen and stepped into sight of the entryway. “What are you doing here?”

“Sorry we’re late,” Sousuke said. Tadashi left his side and bounded around Rin and into the kitchen. “I couldn’t leave my shift on time.”

Rin looked over Sousuke’s police uniform. “You pick up Tadashi?”

“Sometimes.” Sousuke set Tadashi’s backpack on the floor. “It’s true you’re staying with Makoto.”

“Just for one more night. Marin and I will move into mom’s house in Sano tomorrow.”

“Oh.”

“Do you want to stay for dinner?”

“No. I have plans.”

Rin realized he had no idea what plans Sousuke would have on a Monday night. Sousuke was now as much of a stranger as Makoto. “Okay. Thanks for bringing Tadashi home.”

“It’s on my way.” Sousuke opened the door. “Goodnight, Rin.”

“Goodnight.” Rin watched him leave. They’d both grown older and apart in Rin’s absence. Their lives were completely separated.

“Rin-san, you cut the vegetables wrong,” Tadashi accused from the kitchen.

“Don’t yell inside,” Rin chided and hurried back.

 

* * *

 

Makoto returned home just after 7 pm. He looked exhausted but smiled at Tadashi and lifted him into the air after only the first request.

“That was a long shift,” Rin commented.

“Twelve hours on the clock.” Makoto set Tadashi into a chair at the dining table. “I went in before my shift started to get paperwork out of the way. How’d today go?”

“We ate at Haru-san’s cafe and Marin-chan couldn’t get into nursery school,” Tadashi hurriedly said. “No dresses.”

Makoto chuckled and smoothed Tadashi’s hair down. “Sounds like a fun morning if you went to Haru’s.”

“It was fun.”

Makoto turned his smile onto Rin. “I forgot about Marin’s laundry. I’m sorry. What did you do?”

“I took Marin with me to see my mom’s house. We went to a park and I made a few calls. My manager and coach aren’t happy with my sudden holiday, but everything is fine.”

“When are you moving into your mom’s house?”

“Tomorrow. It looks like most of Marin’s things are still boxed.”

“We only unpacked a few items. Do you need help tomorrow?”

“Do you work?”

“I can request—”

“You’re not taking time off for this. I’ll hire a truck or something. It won’t take long.”

“Call me if you change your mind.” Makoto ruffled Tadashi’s hair. Tadashi protested with a laugh and slid out of Makoto’s reach. “I’ll change out of uniform and we can eat dinner. Thank you for cooking.”

“Marin helped.” Rin glanced behind him into the kitchen where Marin collected dishes to set the table. Tadashi joined her and took the stack of plates. “She’s pretty handy for a kid.”

“It was just her and Aiichiro for a long time.”

Tadashi brought the plates to the table and Marin followed with bowls and utensils. Makoto asked them to wash their hands and both left to use the washroom sink. Rin looked at Makoto and saw the exhaustion in his posture.

“You get cleaned up too,” he said. “I’ll set the table.”

“Thank you, Rin.”

The noise from the washroom and the feeling of others in a shared space wasn’t foreign, but Rin had become accustomed to empty apartments and dinners for one. The warmth in Makoto’s home was generated by so much more than an adequate heating system.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not much Makoto and Rin interaction in this chapter...(there's just all this plot in the way. lol.) I'll remedy that in the next chapter!
> 
> as always, you can talk to me on otp-tears.tumblr.com or twitter.com/HayleyB_James


	3. the right thing at the wrong time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotionsssss. And Makoto drinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta is super busy so I'll fix any errors at a later time. 
> 
> I promise the wait for chapter 4 won't be as long. (it's already written lol)
> 
> Thank you for reading~!

Makoto was in the kitchen when Rin woke up the next morning. Without a word exchanged, he took over breakfast preparation so Makoto could get Tadashi out of bed.

He didn’t burn the fish.

When Tadashi fell asleep at the table, Rin expected Makoto to show him compassion and let him sleep, but he woke him and asked if he could finish his breakfast quickly so no one would be late. Tadashi accepted the responsibility with renewed vigor but still struggled to chew.

“You weren’t great with mornings, but were you ever this bad?” Rin whispered to Makoto.

“I’m told I was.” Makoto chuckled.

“Good thing you had Haru to encourage you.”

Makoto chuckled again and leaned forward just in time to catch Tadashi before he toppled forward onto the table.

“Is he too young for caffeine?” Rin asked and Makoto sighed the resignation of a parent who did what he could.

“Tachibana-san, I’m finished. Can I brush my teeth?” Marin asked.

“Yes.”

Marin gathered her dishes but Rin put his hand out and stopped her. “I’ll get those,” he said. “Go brush your teeth.”

“Thank you, Matsuoka-san.”

“It’s Rin.”

Marin hopped down from her chair. “Okay, Rin-san.”

She left the room and Rin sighed. “Just like her dad.”

Makoto smiled in the direction Marin left. “She’s a lot like Aiichiro.”

Rin took his and Marin’s dishes to the sink.  “Is it really okay to move her again?”

“Hmm.” Makoto studied Tadashi slowly rest his cheek on the table. “This was a temporary solution.”

“Yeah. But so am I, and she knows you and Tadashi. I’m no one to her. It feels weird.”

“Aiichiro trusted you above anyone else. She might know us, but I think time without Tadashi wouldn’t hurt.”

 At the sound of his name, Tadashi jerked up. Makoto asked him to brush his teeth. Tadashi gave a final glance to his breakfast and trudged toward the washroom. Makoto gathered the remaining dishes and joined Rin in the kitchen.

“Marin-chan is grieving at an age when she’s unsure what grief is,” Makoto said. “Tadashi tries to be helpful, but she might want to be alone.”

Rin couldn’t remember his grief when his father died. Time had dulled the memories. If he could remember the pain, he’d feel better equipped to help Marin.

“It’s a confusing and painful time for Marin-chan,” Makoto continued. “But I think you two will be okay. You can call me if you need anything.”

 

* * *

 

That night after dinner with Makoto and Tadashi, Rin and Marin went to Rin’s mother’s house where Marin unpacked the rest of her clothes and a stuffed rabbit toy. Rin uncovered the furniture in the living room and took inventory of the kitchen while Marin took her bath.

Afterward, she found Rin on the downstairs couch. He spotted her hairbrush clutched in her hands and set aside his phone. “Do you want me to brush your hair?”

“Yes.” Marin handed over the brush and sat down on the floor in front of him.

“Do you only wear it down?” Rin brushed the tangles the way Makoto did the night before.

“Yes.”

“I used to braid my sister’s hair. I could braid yours.”

“No. It’s wet.”

Rin parted her hair and brushed it straight. “In the morning it’ll be dry.”

“Do you braid your hair?”

Rin didn’t, but Gou had many times. He’d never allowed it to stay for long, but could make an exception for Marin. “I’ll teach you how to and you can braid mine.”

“Okay.”

Rin finished and handed her the brush. “Are you ready for bed now?”

“Yes.” She got to her feet.

“Do you need a bedtime story or something?”

“No. Bedtime stories are for babies.”

“They are not.”

Marin looked at Rin with a furrowed brow. “Do you need one?”

“I don’t.” Rin chuckled and Marin nodded, accepting the humor even if she didn’t understand. “I’ll be in the room next to yours if you need anything tonight.”

“I won’t. Goodnight Rin-san.” Marin started upstairs.

Rin leaned back and stared at the ceiling. It was strange to be home again. The familiar places were smudged by distance and time. They’d become unfamiliar locations with a coloring of memories that filled in the longer Rin stayed. With every shadow of a memory cast across the past, long repressed emotions and desires stirred.

The pressure in Rin’s chest that had settled around his ribs pressed harder against his lungs. He didn’t belong in the past. He needed to return to—where exactly? Australia wasn’t home. Tokyo wasn’t home. If Rin decided to retire, he didn’t have a location in mind to go. No place felt like his.

Rin got up and went to bed. He’d be gone in a few weeks. He only had to last until then. Decisions about his future could be ignored for a while longer.

 

* * *

 

Unable to sleep, Rin got out of bed and grabbed his phone from the desk. He read the messages from his coach and thought about going for a jog, but the clock read 2 a.m. and he couldn’t leave the little girl in the next room unattended.

The girl who’d lost everyone who’d loved her. The girl whose father trusted Rin above everyone else to care for her after the worst had happened. The father who had helped shape Rin’s high school experience into a memory he still cherished.

Rin opened his contacts and found the one he hadn’t used since his final year at university. Back then, it had linked to a path that veered away from his. He hoped the number hadn’t changed and was relieved when Makoto answered after the second ring.

“Hello?”

Rin heard the concern masked beneath Makoto’s sunshine voice with just a touch of confusion. He regretted calling. “Uh. It’s me. Is this a bad time? I know it’s late.”

“It’s fine.” Rin heard the rustle of paper. “Is something wrong, Rin? Is Marin ok?”

“She’s asleep. Are you working?”

“It can wait. What’s wrong?”

Rin sat down on the floor between the head of the bed and the window. “I uh. I wanted to ask you something.”

“Sure. Anything, Rin.”

Rin recognized the pressure in his chest and the static beneath his skin. The symptoms wouldn’t allow sleep until he gave them the attention they demanded. “Haru said you were with Ai after the accident.”

“I was the first paramedic on the scene.”

Rin swallowed the lump in his throat. His ribs pressed on his lungs and heart. “I need to know he didn’t die alone.”

He heard Makoto’s sharp inhale and the silence that seemed to stretch too long. “I was with Aiichiro when he lost consciousness. He was lucid at first.”

Rin looked at the ceiling. He didn’t want to imagine it. He didn’t want to picture the scene or think of Ai’s fears. He didn’t want to recall every unanswered call and unread email with regret tainted by grief. But he did. His regret turned inward and burned like hate.

“He told me you promised to visit soon,” Makoto said softer into the space of Rin’s silence. “I thought he’d pulled a memory from long ago, but you were headed to Tokyo when it happened, so maybe you two had talked recently.”

Rin had received an email with a suggestion he visit soon, but he’d never sent a response. He ignored more messages than he replied, but Ai had never been deterred. He wrote every few months.

“He mentioned me?” Rin heard the waver in his voice.

“Yes. I don’t know if you two kept in touch, but Aiichiro never stopped caring. Even during those last moments he thought of you.”

Rin covered his mouth and let tears trace his cheeks. He’d made such a mess of things. All because he couldn’t let go of a crush. It was such a stupid thing in hindsight. The moments and friendships he gave up to spare himself some pain and heartache no longer felt worth it.

“Rin, none of us stopped loving you,” Makoto continued. “I don’t know your plans, but I hope we can see you more. I’d like to, at least. I know the others would agree.”

“Yeah.” Rin struggled to keep his voice even. He didn’t deserve Makoto’s friendship after the years of silence he’d put him through. He didn’t deserve many things. “Thank you, Makoto. Good night.”

“Rin, if you need company, please call again. Tadashi is at Haru’s tonight.”

Makoto meant he was free to leave the house. Rin looked at the sky. His emotions were jumbled and running high. Seeing Makoto felt like the right thing at the wrong time.

“The train won’t be running.”

“I’ll get there,” Makoto promised, and Rin could easily tell himself it meant more to him than helping a distraught friend.

Rin closed his eyes and took a breath. Makoto wouldn’t sleep much if he made the trip, and he probably needed it more than Rin. As much as he wanted comfort, he would break under Makoto’s gentleness. He didn’t deserve it. And he wasn’t sure he could leave if he revisited the past.

“I’m okay.” Rin knew Makoto could read his lie, but he also knew Makoto would allow it. “Goodnight, Makoto. Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

It was a quiet morning without Tadashi or Makoto. Marin claimed she slept all night. Rin managed a few hours.

Marin held the counter and stretched onto her toes to inspect Rin’s work. “I can show you how to cut vegetables.”

Rin was too tired to be insulted. “What’s wrong with the way I cut them?”

“They’re better thinner.”

“That sounds like a preference.”

Marin stared, blank-faced until he relented.

“Fine. Show me tonight for dinner.”

“Okay.” Marin took the plates and bowls to the table from where Rin stacked them on the counter. “Tachibana-san knows how to cut vegetables.”

Rin paused. “Did Haru teach you?”

“Dad did.”

Rin turned and watched her set the table. They had less time to get to nursery school from Sano, but a proper vegetable cutting technique now felt more important than a punctual arrival. “How thin should I cut them?”

 

* * *

 

Makoto was at the school when Rin arrived to pick up Marin. With kids in tow, they walked together toward Makoto’s house and the train station beyond.

“Did you have a good day, Rin?” The sun had already set and the temperature had dropped enough for Rin to see the puff of Makoto’s breath when he talked.

“Yeah. I cleaned Mom’s house.” Rin shoved his hands into the pockets of his coat. Tadashi and Marin walked just ahead of them. “And I unpacked all of Marin’s things in Gou’s old room, but that didn’t take long.”

“She doesn’t have much.”

“No. She doesn’t.”

They walked in silence as each one contemplated how true Makoto’s words were. Makoto cleared his throat and asked, “Did you see Haru today?”

“No.”

“Sousuke?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

Rin watched Tadashi ramble to Marin who seemed interested only to listen. When Makoto spoke again, his tone was lighter.

“I have a colleague’s birthday dinner on Friday. You should come with me.”

“Me?” Rin met Makoto’s gaze and fell into his encouraging smile that completely ruined all of his better judgement. “Sure—no. I have Marin. I can’t leave her.”

“Tadashi will be with my parents. They’ll watch Marin-chan as well.”

“I don’t know your colleagues,” Rin tried another approach. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to spend time with Makoto, but he knew he couldn’t hold off his heartache much longer with constant exposure to the cause of it. He still longed for his high school crush regardless of time and distance.

“You’ll be fine.” Makoto smiled again. It was reassuring as much as encouraging. Rin’s resolve cracked. “And you shouldn’t be alone with grief.”

“I’m not alone with anything.” Rin looked ahead. They walked in silence for a few moments. Makoto was right. The pressure in Rin’s chest hadn’t lessened. It had grown after their phone call the night before and a day alone in his mother’s house. Relief came with distraction, and people were the best distractions. “Fine. I’ll go.”

Makoto smiled, satisfied by the answer. Rin hoped the dinner would have alcohol. The last thing he needed was a night out with Makoto. Between his heartache and grief, he wasn’t sure he’d survive his stay.

 

* * *

 

Rin had always done well at social events. He could charm anyone without knowing their name. He’d met many people and left a good impression even on bad days. But dinner with Makoto’s colleagues was nothing like the social events Rin had gotten used to. The intimate gathering of just six at a restaurant in a small town had become strange. Rin felt out of place despite the tug of a nostalgic familiarity that accosted him at every turn.

Makoto’s colleagues were cordial and drinkers. Rin declined alcohol. As much as he wanted to indulge, a voicemail left by his coach earlier in the day had reminded him of the temporary stay. When he left, he’d have to step up his training.

Instead, Rin drank water and watched Makoto’s colleagues pour him drinks throughout dinner and an hour after the dishes had been cleared. He took away the glass when he noticed Makoto’s coloring had changed, but it was too late to prevent the inevitable.

Rin called Makoto’s mother using Makoto’s phone. She said the kids would be fine in Makoto’s old room and to not worry about them. With one thing taken care of, Rin set out with Makoto who was steadier on his feet than Rin assumed he would be.

“Did you have fun, Rin?”

Rin shrugged. Grief was a finicky old friend who dropped in unannounced at unsuspecting times. Rin’s guilt had grown, fed by the presence of grief. The two were closely connected to everything and everyone Rin had turned his back on. The dinner served as a reminder of time lost.

“Your colleagues are nice,” Rin said.

“They are,” Makoto agreed with a full smile. Rin smiled smaller in response.

“I think the birthday girl likes you.” It was meant as a tease, but Rin’s voice caught.

“She knows I’m not interested.”

“Not interested in her or a second marriage?”

“Her.” Makoto looked at Rin. “My marriage gave me Tadashi, which was the best outcome. Other than him, it was a mistake.”

“Wow.” Rin studied Makoto’s profile illuminated by the street lamps. “I never thought I’d hear negativity from you.”

Makoto chuckled softly. “I might have had too much. You could ask me anything”—he caught Rin’s gaze—“and I’d tell you the truth.”

“Oooh?” Rin raised an eyebrow and grinned. Makoto seemed to understand the glint of mischief in his eyes and regretted his honesty. Rin decided against his first thought of teasing his inebriated friend. “You two made Tadashi, so it wasn’t all bad, was it?”

Makoto’s concern faded into a frown. Rin’s good humor shriveled under it. “No. It wasn’t all bad. The mistake I made wasn’t marriage. I rushed into what I thought I wanted with someone I thought I loved.”

“I’m sorry,” Rin said because that’s all he knew to say.

“Your first kiss was Sousuke.”

“What?” Rin felt his cheeks heat, too embarrassed to notice the abrupt change of topic. “That was a secret. How’d you know?”

Makoto’s smile returned. “Sousuke told me a few years ago. Over drinks.”

“I’m going to kill him.”

“He said you were worried about Australian classmates being ahead so you wanted practice.”

“I’ll definitely kill him,” Rin muttered. “We were kids. I can’t believe Sousuke even remembers that.”

“He said it was the worst kiss he ever had.”

“We were kids!” Rin repeated. “And we didn’t like each other that way so of course—you know what? I’m not defending it.”

Makoto laughed in earnest. The sound took Rin back to high school before life got complicated and busy. Before Makoto lost the spark of something hidden deep beneath green eyes.

“I thought a lot about that,” Makoto said after he caught his breath.

“You thought about a terrible kiss Sousuke had?”

“No.” Makoto lowered his gaze to the sidewalk. “Sousuke said you trembled, probably out of nerves. I’ve thought about whether or not you’d tremble for me.”

Rin’s heart swam into his throat. Breathing wasn’t important. Questions bombarded his mind and threatened to short circuit entirely. But Makoto was drunk. Sarcasm would be Rin’s best option.

“Just because you created a child doesn’t mean you’d be able to make me tremble.”

Makoto laughed again and nodded in agreement. “I guess you’d have to be the one to take my breath away.”

Rin smiled to hide the pain. Makoto’s words might’ve held some truth at one point, but Rin only heard the teasing tone. “You’re drunk.”

Makoto tilted his head back and looked at the sky. His steps slowed but didn’t stop. “Tadashi can’t see me like this.”

“I asked your mom to let Tadashi and Marin sleep there tonight.”

“Oh. Thank you.”

Rin hunched his shoulders against the cold. “Make sure you should drink water when you get home.”

“I’m sorry, Rin.”

“About what?”

“I just am.”

Rin studied the ground and the fog of his breath. Everything but Makoto beside him. If things were less complicated, he might’ve held onto Makoto’s words a little tighter. He’d let his suppressed desire spark anew. But things were complicated. Rin would be headed back to Australia once Marin’s family made arrangements. Rin just didn’t fit into Makoto’s life so full of Tadashi, work, and moments of sunshine created by shared laughter and contentment with relatives, neighbors, and friends. For such a large life, it was too small to accept Rin.

But Rin could only blame himself.

“You have nothing to apologize for, Makoto.”


	4. Sunrise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin and Marin spend new years eve with Makoto and Tadashi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta. All mistakes are my own and not caught by me or my treacherous eyes. Despite how many times I edit, the chapter remained this way lol. But the plot-beta approved so that's a good sign.
> 
> also, since this is a fanfic i'm not killing myself with research. if I get any cultural things wrong, that's on me. I've read a few articles, watched a few youtube videos, but that's the limit of time I have for a hobby. I hope it doesn't ruin any enjoyment. (●´□`)♡

Two weeks after Rin’s arrival, he was contacted by Marin’s family. They needed more time but scheduled a visit after the New Year. The end of December had crept up faster than Rin had realized.

Haru was the first to ask him what he planned to do for New Year’s. They’d crossed paths when Rin took a wrong turn leaving the nursery school. Rin hadn’t thought about New Year’s plans. He’d spent the last few ones sleeping in. His schedule didn’t usually include holidays.

“It’s the first one without her dad for Marin,” Haru reminded as if Rin would forget. He hadn’t. He could even remember the list of firsts without his father. Even though the memory of grief had faded, milestones persevered.

So Rin had asked Marin what she wanted to do. She took a day to think about it and had an answer when they sat down for Rin to brush her hair.

“I want to see Tadashi.”

“Really? You see him almost every day.”

Marin nodded. “But Teacher said you’re supposed to see your family and friends on the first day of the New Year. What happens if I don’t see them on the first day? Will I not see them again?”

Rin paused with the brush half way down her damp hair. “You’ll see everyone again.”

She turned and looked at Rin. “Promise?”

“Yes.” Rin realized the futility of the lies told to children. Marin had no doubt heard this one before and already knew it to be untrue. “If you don’t, it isn’t because you didn’t see them on a certain day.”

Marin seemed to reflect on it and nodded a moment later. “I still want to see Tadashi.”

“Do you miss living with him?”

“No. He talks in his sleep.”

Rin laughed.

 

* * *

 

New Year’s Eve at the Tachibana’s meant a shared dinner and the disappearance of two six year olds to a video game. Rin didn’t mind because every so often the sound of Marin’s laughter had reached the kitchen. They’d let the two stay up late for the special occasion, but at 10:15 p.m. the muted noise of the TV stopped.

“I wonder if they decided to go to bed,” Makoto wondered aloud from the dining table. He watched the doorway for a moment and got to his feet. “I’m going to check on them.”

Rin waved a hand in acknowledgment. He’d somehow managed to keep Marin fed, clothed, bathed, and relatively happy, but Makoto was the real parent between them. He made it seem as effortless as breathing.

Makoto returned a minute later and sat down. “They decided to sleep.” He chose another mandarin orange from the basket on the table. “Your futon is set out in the spare room like before.”

“If I go to bed, are you going to pull out paperwork?”

Makoto smiled and peeled the fruit. Once he was done he looked at Rin with a smile. “Yes.”

“You’re going to welcome the New Year with paperwork?”

“Would sleeping be better?”

“Yes!”

Makoto laughed but it was the quiet way he did whenever the kids had been put to bed. Rin had yet to grasp how anyone could effectively lower the volume of everything they did.

“Are you going to stay up until midnight?” Makoto asked. “Or do you prefer the first sunrise?”

Rin rested his chin on his fist. “Sunrise.” It was a more romantic thought that a sunrise marked the New Year instead of numbers on a clock. Even after years of being single, he hadn’t lost his appreciation of the more romantic aspects of life. Not even unrequited love had warped that sense into bitterness.

“Do you remember the last New Year’s Eve we spent together?” Makoto asked.

Rin studied a spot on the wall between two picture frames. He couldn’t remember. “No.”

Makoto smiled anyway. “The New Year’s Eve before we graduated high school, everyone went to the temple together.”

Rin lowered his hand. “That was the last time?”

“Yes.”

“Shit.” Rin felt another apology bubbling up. He’d apologized a lot during the last few weeks.

“Do you remember you tried to kiss me?”

“No.” Rin balked but Makoto’s calm smile remained. “You knew?”

“I did. You dropped your head down and claimed to be cold, but you didn’t hide your intention as well as you thought. And you were bright red.”

“I really was cold,” Rin defended. Makoto laughed again and Rin smiled at both the memory and the way Makoto watched him through nostalgic happiness. “Haru and Sousuke wandered away from us. Nagisa and Rei had disappeared earlier with Ai and Momo.” Rin had revisited that night on occasion throughout the years until the pang of regret wore away and left the memory just another example of unrequited love.

“We were left alone,” Rin continued. “We stopped on that unlighted path behind the crowd to text the others. It was quiet despite the crowds within view. The stillness was romantic and a perfect opportunity, but I thought at the last second that a kiss would change too much.”

“It would have,” Makoto agreed. He took a breath and held Rin’s gaze. “If you had kissed me that night, I would’ve understood what I wanted earlier, and I wouldn’t have Tadashi today.”

“What you—?” Rin saw a spot of clarity through the haze of his self-pity and guilt. Something clicked in place, lining up pieces he’d ignored or overlooked.

 “The dining room is warmer, but I guess we were left alone again on New Year’s,” Makoto said.

Rin couldn’t read every emotion that flickered in Makoto’s eyes, but he could see the silent request. History couldn’t be corrected, but maybe Rin could mend one mistake. He stood and leaned across the corner of the table. Makoto met him with a deep inhale and a delicate touch to his cheek.

Rin backed away first from the chaste kiss and grinned as Makoto’s eyes opened. “Happy New Year,” he said.

Makoto touched his check again and smiled fondly. “You’re a few years late.”

“Maybe I’m right on time.”

“Maybe.” Makoto slipped his hand to Rin’s nape and directed their lips together once more. This time Makoto leaned into him and Rin tasted the mandarin on Makoto’s tongue.

It was what he wanted for most of his life. Makoto kissed as gently as he did everything else, but it still reached the deepest parts of Rin he’d locked away to protect against heartache. Rin lifted his hand and touched Makoto’s hair softly, as if the dream would fade if he seemed overly eager.

The clamor of feet pulled them abruptly apart. Makoto stood too fast and knocked his chair over. Tadashi appeared in the doorway and frowned.

“You were playing inside,” he accused. “You told me not to play with the furniture.”

Makoto set the chair right. “It was an accident.” He cleared his throat and avoided Rin’s amused smirk. “Why are you out of bed?”

“We want to see the sunrise.”

Rin noticed Marin behind Tadashi. She wrung the material of her pajama top in her fingers and watched the floor. “We’ll get you at sunrise,” Rin promised before Makoto could answer and possibly deny the request.

Tadashi looked at his father for confirmation, grinned in triumph, and turned to Marin who had looked up with a smile of her own. “See? We only had to ask. Come on.” He took her hand and they retreated down the hallway without further instruction.

“I guess we’ll be seeing the sunrise,” Makoto said. When his gaze flickered to Rin, he looked six years younger with something like happiness in his green eyes. But his expression cleared and he looked away. “We should sleep too.”

Rin licked his bottom lip and wondered if he’d dreamed the kiss. Makoto appeared nonplussed when he’d expected at least a little blush. His own face felt a little too warm. “Makoto—?”

“You did it.”

Rin blinked. “Did what?”

“Took my breath away.” Makoto tipped his head back and chuckled. Rin smiled, relieved and satisfied the kiss had been acknowledged.

“Do you want it back?” Rin asked. His confidence was bravado and he knew Makoto would see that, but no matter how often Makoto had seen through him, Rin never stopped attempting to mask his thoughts and feelings with ones suited to conceal the love he’d wished more than once he could place on anyone but his childhood friend.

Makoto took a step toward him but faltered. “Keep it for now.” He walked around Rin and paused in the hallway. “I’ll see you at sunrise.”

Rin nodded because his voice had retreated. It was close enough to rejection to open old insecurities and doubts. Rin shouldn’t have kissed him, and he shouldn’t be standing in his dining room on New Year’s Eve. He knew he had to keep his distance, but he’d broken every one of his rules and felt the full weight of the consequences.

He took a shallow breath and went to the extra futon set out in the spare room.

 

* * *

 

Makoto had to carry Tadashi who couldn’t wake up enough to function on his own legs outside to see the sunrise. Marin leaned against Rin on the porch and watched the change of color across the horizon.

Rin studied Makoto with a half asleep Tadashi in his arms. He’d always thought Makoto would have children. It seemed like an obviously thing even when Rin couldn’t imagine life past twenty-one. Even though Rin had spent far too many hours longing for Makoto’s love, he never pictured himself with children. He didn’t believe himself to be natural parent material like Makoto.

Rin shifted his gaze to the new colors bleeding across the horizon. Makoto was right. If things had gone the way he’d wished for back in high school, Makoto wouldn’t have Tadashi. He wouldn’t have any kids. Kids didn’t fit Rin’s lifestyle. The thought made him grimace.

Marin took Rin’s hand in both of hers. Her fingers felt like ice, so Rin wrapped his other hand around hers to warm and shield them against the breeze. His lifestyle still couldn’t include kids. If he wanted a relationship with Makoto today, he’d have to make changes. Long distance wasn’t impractical but it wouldn’t be easy. Retirement wasn’t an unreasonable solution.

It was foolish to plan anything before he knew what Makoto wanted. What happened in the dining room might’ve been a mistake. Or the same happiness that bloomed in Rin’s chest had blossomed in Makoto’s. Rin couldn’t tell. Makoto had been easier to read when he was younger. And they had been closer.

The four stayed on the porch until Tadashi asked to be let down. He retreated into the house and Marin followed.

“He’s cold,” Makoto explained.

“I’m shocked he was conscious this early.”

Makoto laughed and took a step toward Rin. “You got to see the sunrise. It’s a new year.”

“Yeah.” Rin shifted a little closer—close enough to brush the back of Makoto’s hand with a finger.

“Rin.”

Rin looked up. Makoto took his hand and kissed his cheek. “You’re bright red again.”

Rin laughed and squeezed Makoto’s hand. “This time I’m not cold.”

“You will be. Come inside.” Makoto released him and stepped indoors. Rin gave the sky a final look and followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooooooooh~!!!! 
> 
> Now we can begin the domestic fluff we all want. yeah? yeah.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin decides his future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me way too long to finish and post. I'm truly sorry.
> 
> No beta again. My mistakes are my own and my phone's auto-correct.

“A burden,” Rin repeated for what must’ve felt like the hundredth time to those within ear shot. “She called Marin a burden.”

Haru watched him pace away from the counter to the front door and back. Rin’s anger at the woman who had agreed to take Marin in had blinded him to the worried stares from the other patrons.

“She wasn’t interested in Marin at all,” Rin told Haru when he made it back to the counter. “She only asked about inheritance.”

Haru opened the door to his right marked for employees and gestured for Rin to follow. Rin did. They went past the kitchen storage area and through another door.

Rin stepped into the alleyway and turned toward Haru. “Did you kick me out?”

“No.” Haru closed the door and sat down on the single step. “But you were scaring my customers.”

Rin dropped down onto the step beside him with a sigh. “Sorry.”

“Who was that?”

“Ai’s aunt’s niece by marriage on her uncle’s side. I don’t know.” Rin hadn’t paid much attention when the woman explained it. “Her family name is different.”

“Nitori never talked about family.”

“What about Marin’s mom’s side?”

Haru shook his head. “There’s a reason he wanted you to take guardianship.”

Rin rubbed his face. He couldn’t keep Marin, but he wouldn’t give her to the only family member who’d agreed to take her. Between the two options, maybe Marin would enjoy Australia.

“You went out with Makoto,” Haru said. “For dinner.”

Rin looked at him, confused at first. “Oh. Makoto’s colleague had a birthday dinner. How did you know about that?”

“Tadashi told me.”

“How did he know?”

“He knows a lot.”

Rin chucked. He was learning just how much kids picked up.

“It’s good,” Haru said. “Makoto hasn’t gone out without Tadashi in a few years. Not even for work events.”

Rin thought back to the invitation. It seemed as if Makoto had planned to go already, but his colleagues’ excitement and eagerness to have him drink could be explained by the oddity of Makoto outside of work.

“Marin and I stayed at Makoto’s for New Year’s,” Rin said.

Haru nodded. “Makoto invited me. I had plans.”

“Sousuke was busy too, so it was just us with the kids.” Rin pushed his hands into the pockets of his sweatshirt and wondered how much he should divulge to Haru. Maybe Makoto had already told him. “It was nice,” he settled with.

Haru leaned back and looked up at the sky. “Are you going to leave, Rin?”

“I have a career to get back to.” Rin studied the clump of muddy snow at their feet. “I’m not sure how much longer I can dodge my manager’s calls.”

“Do you want another gold? You could quit.”

They question wasn’t pointed but Rin felt a stab nonetheless. Haru went to the world stage with Rin during university, but he retired in his prime just a few months after graduation. His restaurant had opened a year later. Rin’s disappointment had faded once he understood Haru’s greater goals in life hadn’t matched his. Later, he realized he didn’t have his own greater goal in life.

Years later, Rin still wasn’t sure what he wanted.

“Not everyone has something waiting for them after retirement,” Rin said.

“You have more than you think.” Haru stood and brushed off his legs. “Go home before you catch a cold.” He opened the door and went inside.

Rin wasn’t sure if he meant his mother’s house or his apartment in Australia. He didn’t consider either one home. He looked back at the snow. No one could predict where their life would go. Rin had never thought he’d care about a little girl’s fate. He might not have a few years earlier. Regardless of unmade plans, he needed to make a choice.

 

* * *

 

Rin arrived early to pick up Marin from nursery school and waited outside, hoping to see Makoto. They hadn’t talked since New Year’s Day. Two days without communication seemed harmless, but Rin had questions in his head and a restless buzzing under his skin. The pressure against his ribs had returned as well. His grief fought back at the thought of leaving Marin to extended family members who didn’t want her.

Sousuke arrived for Tadashi a few minutes later. Still in uniform, he looked intimidating among the drawings of snowmen the kids had taped to the school’s front windows.

“Where’s Makoto?” Rin asked.

Sousuke frowned at Rin’s greeting. “Work. He should be done in an hour, but the school won’t allow Tadashi to stay that late.”

“Oh.” Rin exhaled his disappointment. “Do you put in as many hours as he does?”

Sousuke smiled faintly, as if enjoying a private joke at Rin’s expense. Rin ignored it. Maybe the amount of time Makoto spent at work was normal.

“I don’t need as many hours as Makoto,” Sousuke explained.

Rin should’ve known that. “Right.”

“I’m still on duty,” Sousuke continued. “But the station is empty after six, so Tadashi sometimes stays there with me when Makoto has to work late and no one else is available—or when Makoto thinks he can’t ask Haru or his parents again.”

“Tch. He could’ve asked me. I’m the only one with nothing to do.”

Sousuke eyed Rin as if suspicious of his claim but didn’t argue. “Makoto doesn’t like to burden anyone.”

“It isn’t a burden,” Rin snapped. He caught himself and sighed. “Let me take Tadashi home. I’ll stay until Makoto gets there. Marin won’t mind.”

Sousuke looked at the school’s entrance with a frown. “Are you sure?”

“I am.”

Sousuke took another moment to decide. “Okay. Tadashi as a key. Thank you.”

“Are you happy here, Sousuke?”

Sousuke studied him, confused by the suddenness of the question or Rin’s serious tone. “You can’t figure out your life just by asking about mine.”

Rin clicked his teeth and turned his head away. “That’s not it.”

“I’m happy, Rin,” Sousuke said in a softer voice. A faint smile replaced his confusion and he looked at the nursey school’s door. “Life doesn’t have to stay as grand as we imagined it could be in elementary school. It can be grand in small ways.”

Rin couldn’t remember what he thought would make a life grand. He’d wanted to swim with the best relay team in the world, but he’d figured out too late that the best in the world couldn’t be measured by medals and times. Before then, he’d already sacrificed his friendships to save himself from heartache. A heartache he’d only just discovered could’ve been avoided in high school.

“Go back to work,” Rin said. “I’ll get the kids home.”

Sousuke hesitated. Rin knew he had something else to say, but he nodded and turned. “Goodnight, Rin.”

Rin watched his retreating back for a moment and wondered what small ways made Sousuke’s life grand. He then went inside and signed out Tadashi and Marin.

Neither looked to be in high spirits when they came out in their jackets and backpacks. The teacher explained some of the kids had teased Tadashi. Rin took Marin’s hand and let Tadashi lead them out.

“Why did they tease you?” Rin asked but Tadashi ignored him. He looked at Marin for the answer, but she shook her head.

 

* * *

 

Makoto arrived home just before eight. Tadashi, who had been uncharacteristically quiet, ran to the front door. Moments later Makoto carried Tadashi into the dining room and smiled at Rin who stood in the kitchen with Marin.

“Thank you for picking him up,” Makoto said. “I’m sorry I’m late.”

“It’s fine. I didn’t have plans.” Rin motioned toward the stove behind him. “Marin and I started dinner. Tadashi set the table.”

“Thank you.” Makoto rubbed Tadashi’s back. Tadashi buried his head against Makoto’s shoulder and his little fists curled tighter into his uniform shirt. “Excuse me.” Makoto entered the hallway and retreated toward Tadashi’s room.

Rin looked down at Marin beside him. “Do you know what the kids told him?”

“They call him unwanted because his mom left,” Marin said mildly as if reciting one of the stories in her picture books. “Today they said his dad doesn’t want him either.”

“They’re wrong,” Rin said, unable to prevent his upset to bleed into his voice. “Makoto loves Tadashi more than anything.”

Marin nodded, unmoved by Rin’s display of emotion. “Tadashi-kun knows that. We need to finish dinner, Rin-san.”

Rin frowned at the dismissal from a six year old, but couldn’t tell if it was child logic or an attempt to hide something.

 

* * *

 

After a mostly silent dinner, Tadashi and Marin went into his room to play a video game and Rin helped Makoto wash and dry the dishes. When they sat down at the table again, Makoto spoke.

“Tadashi and Marin-chan are the only kids in their class without both parents. The multiple adults who pick them up at different times also stand out to the other kids.”

Rin scoffed. “No kid has the amount of love Tadashi has from you.”

“These are children.” Makoto smiled, but it was tired. “Their compassion is learned by mimicking the gossip they hear from their parents. I don’t blame them for their words. Tadashi doesn’t either.”

“He seemed pretty upset.”

Makoto sighed and met Rin’s gaze. “He was angry and frustrated because they picked on Marin-chan today instead of him.”

“Marin? But her parents didn’t have a choice.”

“I’m not sure the kids understand the difference, and the teachers haven’t told the class what happened to Marin-chan’s parents. It wouldn’t be an appropriate topic.”

“Ai wouldn’t have left her. Marin’s just as wanted and loved as Tadashi.”

Makoto smiled softly and lowered his gaze. Rin realized even though Marin was loved, she had no permanent home. The kids were almost correct in their cruelty. Guilt rose up into his throat. Even he had plans to leave her to a family member who would only accept her out of obligation. She’d be the unwanted kid in school.

“Makoto, I—” Rin started but faltered. “I met Marin’s family member today.” Makoto waited for him to continue. He took a breath and shifted through his thoughts. “I don’t want Marin to go with them.”

“Where else would she go?” Makoto asked with a careful edge, as if he expected Rin’s next words.

“I want to keep her.”

Makoto’s eyes widened. “But Rin—”

“I know it’s crazy.” Rin knew what Makoto would say and he didn’t want to hear about how large of a decision it would be, or how much it would change. “I haven’t thought about it for longer than an afternoon, but I won’t let that woman take Marin. I can’t.”

Makoto sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “She’s young enough to learn English,” he said softly. “But your schedule will make things difficult.”

“If I take her permanently, my schedule will be cleared. I’ll retire.”

“Rin...” Makoto whispered. “But your dream—”

“I reached that dream a long time ago.” Rin held Makoto’s gaze. “Maybe it’s time for a new dream.”

Makoto smiled, happy despite the skepticism evident in his eyes. “Aiichiro believed you would be the right choice.”

Rin swallowed against a sudden lump of grief. Maybe Ai had known what Rin needed. But he wouldn’t have known the timing. It was a romantic notion and nothing more.

 

* * *

 

Rin knelt in front of Marin and gave her a smile that wasn’t enough to ease her obvious anxiety. Two nights ago he’d asked if she wanted to stay with him. She’d answered in the affirmative, yet Rin had packed his bag and made plans to leave her. It was temporary but Rin understood her fears she hadn’t voiced.

“I’ll be back in a week,” Rin said. “Don’t let Tadashi annoy you too much while I’m gone.”

Marin glanced at Tadashi on the other end of the train platform. He used a stick to scratch something from the concrete and present it to Makoto who reacted in such a way that gave Rin all the clues he needed to know exactly what the young boy had found.

“That’s impossible,” Marin muttered.

“It’ll be okay,” Rin told her but needed the reassurance himself. “I won’t be gone long.”

“Do you promise?”

Rin understood the fragility of promises, but nodded anyway and offered her his pinky finger. “I promise.”

Marin looked at his offering and hooked hers around his. “You can’t break it.”

“I wouldn’t dare.” Rin stood and turned toward Makoto’s approach with Tadashi who brandished a new stick, and Haru who eyed it suspiciously. Sousuke followed a step behind Haru.

“Thank you,” Rin said to his friends who came to see him off. The words weren’t enough but they were all Rin had at the moment. He couldn’t make up for lost years, but his friends had given him the possibility of future years. They’d accepted his decision with full support and only slight and warranted trepidation. The change was immeasurable. Rin was grateful to have any help.

“It’s no problem,” Makoto replied. “Marin will be fine with us.”

“Are you sure about this?” Haru asked. It wasn’t the first blunt question about Rin’s decision, but it was the first time Rin hesitated.

He knew in his heart he wanted this. He wanted to get on a train and then a plane, and disappoint his manager, coach, and teammates. He wanted to return to his lonely apartment, pack up his belongings, and build something better than gold medals.

“Let’s get something to drink,” Makoto offered to the kids.

“The vending machine?” Tadashi dropped his new stick and started toward the row of machines with Marin’s hand in his. “Let me put in the money.”

Makoto smiled softly at Rin and left him with Haru and Sousuke. Rin met Haru’s stare. “I’m sure,” Rin said.

Haru looked less convinced at the train station than he did in his kitchen when Rin told him his plan. “It isn’t about goals. Nothing here is like Australia.”

Rin watched Makoto lift Tadashi so he could reach the coin slot and buttons. Iwatobi wasn’t what Rin had grown used to in all sense of the words, but it was the differences he believed he wanted. “I know.”

Back on his feet, Tadashi retrieved the drinks and handed one to Marin. She helped him with the straw on his carton of milk before she did hers. They were Marin with unspoken grief in her quietness and Tadashi with emotions concealed behind loud smiles. Behind them, the constant steady Makoto. Rin would never forgive himself if he took Marin away from this.

“Is it because of Makoto?” Sousuke asked.

Rin looked at Sousuke and then to Haru. “No,” he lied. Makoto was in the equation. The possibility he could call Makoto’s arms home had added more than a little of an incentive. The thought alone sounded better than another few years of awards and accolades. But his main concern wasn’t so selfish. “I’m staying for Marin. For Ai.”

Haru observed Rin, picking out the truth in its entirety. Whatever he read in Rin’s expression satisfied him because he nodded and looked at Makoto and the kids. Sousuke accepted Rin’s words with a single nod after Haru had.

Rin followed Haru’s gaze and smiled at the small expression of amusement Tadashi’s antics had pulled from Marin followed by Tadashi’s victorious grin and Makoto’s laughter. Rin would give up all possible future medals for just another day filled with the emotions that blossomed in his chest in that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we can sink our teeth into that domestic fluff I've promised.


	6. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin returns to Iwatobi and stays the night at Makoto's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating chaaaaaange!
> 
> All mistakes are my own and my phone's auto correct.

It proved difficult to face reality away from Marin and the promises he made, but Rin refused to be swayed by arguments based on logic. Logic hadn’t made his decision. It was emotion. It was heartache. It was happiness. It was everything Rin had ran from when he threw himself into his career. It wasn’t something he’d give up for logic.

He returned two days earlier than planned with only a backpack and a nervous fear. He’d been too busy for anything more than a few hurried texts and one short phone call. He had no idea if Marin had changed her mind in his absence.

He arrived at Makoto’s door just after ten at night. He hesitated, afraid he’d wake the kids or Makoto if he’d managed to leave paperwork at work. Rin could go to his mother’s house and see Makoto and Marin in the morning, but it had been five days already. He missed them. He even missed Tadashi. During the quiet nights in his Australian apartment that no longer felt like home, he’d wondered how he’d managed to be alone for so many years.

Rin knocked softly. If he wasn’t heard, he’d go to his mother’s. After a few agonizing seconds, Rin heard movement and the door opened.

Makoto’s curious gaze turned into happy surprise. “Rin.” His smile eased Rin’s travel fatigue. “You’re back early.”

“I finished everything.”

Makoto smiled again and ushered Rin inside. “We watched your news conference online,” Makoto said.

“I don’t think anyone expected retirement.” Rin stepped out of his shoes. “All the interviewers wanted a reason.”

“You didn’t mention Marin.”

“Of course I didn’t. They’d dig up information on Ai and Marin. Anything for a story.” Rin set his backpack on the floor and followed Makoto into the dining room. “You were working,” he accused when he saw the mess of papers across the table.

“I’m finished.” Makoto gathered the papers and stacked them together. “How’d it go with your team?”

Disappointment failed to accurately portray how his manager, coach, and teammates had reacted, but Makoto didn’t need to know the guilt Rin carried after his official announcement of retirement. “As expected.”

“They’ll miss you.”

Rin shrugged. He couldn’t argue against fact, even if the fact itself didn’t matter. “It’s late. Is it okay I’m here? I can go—”

“It’s fine.” Makoto smiled again. “I’m glad you’re home, Rin.”

Home. Rin took a steadying breath. He was home. Maybe not Makoto’s house. Maybe not even his mother’s. But he was home.

For the first time in five days, Rin felt the fine edges of contentment unfurling around him. He wanted that feeling more than the excitement of a race. He’d lived for winning, but now he wanted to live for the quiet moments between words that needed no language to express the swell of emotions. Makoto’s bright smile spoke a thousand words Rin wanted to learn. Marin’s distant looks held a thousand thoughts Rin wanted to read.

One day, he’d have both.

“I was worried you wouldn’t come back,” Makoto said through a laugh that did little to pass off his concern as a joke.

I’m sorry would never be enough. Rin didn’t have enough of anything to appease Makoto’s worry.

“Only my plane crashing would’ve kept me away.” Rin realized a death joke was in poor taste only after he’d said it. “You won’t get rid of me now,” he added with extra enthusiasm to make up for his poorly timed humor.

“Will you pinky promise with me too?”

Rin laughed softly and offered his pinky to Makoto. “I’ll do it twice for you.”

Makoto looked at his hand and stepped forward. Instead of hooking his finger with Rin’s as proper pinky promise etiquette demand, he laced their fingers and gentle pulled Rin toward him.

It was their first kiss since New Year’s Day. Makoto held Rin’s waist and kissed him in that gentle way only Makoto could. Rin combed his fingers through Makoto’s hair and angled his body to cause the most contact. His fatigue and stress faded from his mind. It was just him and Makoto in a dining room that still smelled faintly of dinner. It wasn’t the location he’d fantasized about as a teenager, but it was perfect. He wouldn’t change a thing.

Makoto pulled away with an apologetic smile. “The kids,” he explained.

Privacy. Rin would change privacy. He choked down his disappointment and leaned back against the table. He didn’t know how to explain to a six year old that he’d have to share his dad with someone else, but he could remember how much he had resented any man who had taken an interest in his mother. Would Tadashi hate Rin if he knew?

“You’re right,” Rin said. He pushed back his hair and added a muttered “Sorry.”

Makoto inhaled sharply and reached for Rin. The slow and gentle kisses fell victim to a raw need Rin felt instantly. He pulled Makoto close and was pulled close by Makoto. The way Makoto’s hand fit the side of his neck fueled his need, and when Makoto slid his thigh between his legs, all concern about discovery vanished.

“The guest room,” Makoto whispered.

Rin took a breath. In the moments that followed Makoto’s three words that were more suggestion than fact, the years of silence and hurt between them crumble away. Rin followed Makoto through the dining room and down the opposite hall from the kids, each step made harder by the need to touch. To explore. To feel. Hands, faces, arms. Skin on skin.

Makoto’s fingertips were hesitant but insistent and left fire in their wake. The flame Rin had tried to smoother burst into life. He burned for Makoto. He couldn’t bring himself to imagine the possibility Makoto didn’t feel the same.

The futon was folded in the corner and neither took the moment needed to spread it across the wood floor. They fell against it like teenagers too full of want and too empty of thought. Makoto wanted to kiss and Rin wanted to be kissed. He also wanted to feel Makoto’s lips against his neck or chest.

“You locked the door?” Rin asked.

“Yes.”

Rin tugged off his sweatshirt and shirt together. Makoto stared for a moment too long. Maybe Rin had misread the way Makoto had explored Rin’s back under the layers of clothing.

“Makoto?”

“I forgot,” Makoto whispered. Rin’s heart raced. “I forgot how good you looked shirtless,” he finished.

Rin gave a short, relieved bark of laughter. “I think I look better than I did the last time we were this close in jammers.”

“You do.”

Rin leaned toward Makoto and tugged at his shirt’s hem. “Show me yours.”

Makoto blushed faintly and removed his shirt. Rin appraised the hard muscle and softer flesh. He didn’t look the same as he had in high school, but age and time had been kind to Makoto. “Even with Haru owning a bakery, you’re still sexy.”

Makoto’s coloring deepened. Rin found the smallest thrill in the reaction caused by his words. “Good enough to eat,” he expanded and lowered Makoto onto the rolled futon.

With a few kisses and Rin’s hand between his thighs, Makoto became bolder. He cupped Rin’s ass and Rin gave a stuttered gasp against Makoto’s lips. Rin hadn’t planned or expected to go so far the night he returned, but he hadn’t planned most of the events leading to that night. He settled between Makoto’s legs and felt Makoto’s gaze on him as he untied the strings on Makoto’s sweatpants. Makoto’s gaze flickered to the door and returned before he lifted his hips and allowed Rin to slide the material down.

Rin had seen Makoto naked in locker rooms, but only his imagination had supplied the smell of his arousal, the weight of his cock in Rin’s hand, and the cry of desire muffled by the back of Makoto’s hand. With the real thing, Rin realized his imagination had been lacking. He indulged in his fantasy and licked the gathered precum.

“Rin—” Makoto covered his mouth again.

Rin accepted the buck of his hips as encouragement and took Makoto into his mouth.

Despite Rin’s best efforts, Makoto remained persistently silent. He kept one hand on his mouth and the other tightly gripped the futon cover. His muffled noises and the low whine from the back of his throat was enough for Rin. Later, when they were alone and had privacy, Rin would undo Makoto and hear his voice.

Makoto released the futon cover and touched Rin’s hair. He was hesitant and Rin couldn’t tell if it was from restraint or something else, but once Makoto had settle his hand on Rin’s head, he threaded his fingers into his hair. Rin hummed his approval. It was the only thing he could do with Makoto’s cock in his mouth. It also added stimulus and Makoto’s fingers tightened in his hair. Another hum.

“Ah—! Rin.” Makoto finally unwound. He arched slightly, bending his head back with a sigh of pleasure, and jerking his hips into Rin’s movement. The victory was small, but Rin savored it.

Makoto came after a murmured warning. He held Rin’s hair tighter but not rough. Rin tasted Makoto and his more elaborate fantasies hadn’t compared to how good Makoto’s face looked when Rin glanced up the moment he swallowed.

Several quick heartbeats later, and Makoto kissed him. Less heartbeats later, and Makoto wrapped his hand around Rin’s neglected cock. Rin gave himself over to Makoto’s kisses and flicks of his wrist. He came in Makoto’s hand with Makoto’s lips pressed to his jaw and Makoto’s name on a shuddering gasp.

It wasn’t what Rin had planned for his first night back or their first night together. In his imagination there had been more rose pedals and less urgency to hush their voices. But when Makoto kissed his cheek, Rin decided he wouldn’t change a thing.

 

* * *

 

In the morning Rin woke in Makoto’s bed alone. He’d slept well with his head tucked under Makoto’s chin and his nose pressed against Makoto’s chest. He felt the sheets where Makoto had been. Cold.

It was unusual for the sun to beat Rin from sleep. Even more unusual for Makoto to. He rolled over and listened to the muted sounds of breakfast. Makoto’s voice followed after Tadashi’s, but Rin couldn’t make out the words. He smiled anyway, enjoying the noise.

He got up a minute later, dressed in a pair of jeans and a shirt from his backpack Makoto had the mind the move the night before, and joined the three in the dining room. Tadashi noticed him first. His mouth hung open, caught mid-yawn, and Rin thought he saw him figure out a puzzle Makoto hadn’t expected he’d see.

Marin turned in her seat. “Rin.” She abandoned her food and went to him. He knelt to accept her hug and squeezed her back. He hadn’t expected her reaction, and by Makoto’s surprised expression, he hadn’t either. She released him and took a step back.

“Hey Marin,” Rin said and stood. He didn’t know what to say. I missed you was honest but felt like too much for the newness of their relationship.

“You didn’t break your promise,” she stated and climbed back into her chair. The fact needed no response.

“Are you hungry?” Makoto asked.

Rin took the remaining seat. “I’ll eat later.”

Tadashi watched him with his forehead ceased in concentration Rin hadn’t seen from him before. Makoto tapped Tadashi on the arm. His strange look disappeared when he turned his head toward his father.

“You have two minutes to finish your breakfast,” Makoto warned.

Tadashi took the challenge but good enthusiasm waned under his morning grogginess. Makoto sent him and Marin to brush their teeth. When they left, Rin looked at Makoto across the table.

“You should’ve woke me,” Rin said. “I think Tadashi is confused about where I came from.”

“If he’s awake enough to remember anything, and he figures out we shared a bed, we’ll just have to tell him you had a nightmare and needed company.”

Rin matched Makoto’s smile. “I could have a nightmare every night”

“Lucky for you, my room is the safest in town and I don’t mind sharing.” Makoto gathered the plates and bowls. “What are your plans today?”

Rin followed Makoto into the kitchen with the remaining breakfast dishes. “I guess look for a place in Iwatobi. We can’t stay at my mom’s forever. I should probably find a job too, but I won’t need one right away.”

“You’ll get bored without one.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

Makoto washed the bowls and Rin dried them in comfortable silence. They stood close enough to brush shoulders.

“Have you registered Marin for school?” Makoto asked moving onto the plates.

Rin frowned. “No. Do I need to?”

“They start elementary school in the spring. She needs to be registered to attend.”

“Oh. I can do that.”

Makoto smiled. “Do you know how?”

“Not a clue. But it can’t be that hard. I’ll just go to the school today.”

Makoto studied him for a moment and nodded. “I have tomorrow off if you need help. What jobs will you apply for?”

“I don’t know.”

“Iwatobi SC Returns might need a part-time coach.”

Rin wrinkled his nose and stacked the dried plates in the cabinet. “Teaching kids to swim was your thing. Does Haru need a chef?”

“That would be evening hours.”

“Right.” He’d been joking anyway. He could cook at home, but he’d be lost in a restaurant environment.

“Haru does need a new head pastry chef,” Makoto said, starting on the chopsticks and spoons. “That would be mornings.”

“Haru knows better than to hire me to bake sweet things.”

Makoto chucked. “You wouldn’t have to eat anything.”

Rin sighed. It could be an option, but not his first choice. “What happened to the last one?”

Makoto stilled. He focused on the water running down the drain for a moment and turned off the sink. “It was Nitori.”

“Ai worked in Haru’s bakery?” Rin wasn’t sure what surprised him more: the proof of how small Iwatobi was, or that Haru had allowed Ai anywhere near a kitchen. “I thought Ai had a desk job.”

“He did. He had two jobs. He baked in the mornings.”

Rin hadn’t known. He hadn’t known many things. “Oh.”

Tadashi and Marin returned to the dining room and paused only long enough to be told to find their backpacks. Marin took Tadashi by the hand and led him into the hallway and toward Tadashi’s room.

Makoto dried his hands and brushed a kiss against Rin’s cheek. “Have a good day. Come for dinner tonight.”

Rin wanted more than the fleeting touch of lips, but Makoto had moved away to stand in the dining room and yell for the kids to hurry. Rin touched his check and smiled.

He wouldn’t change a thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I took so long to get this posted. I hope you enjoyed~!

**Author's Note:**

> as always, you can talk to me on otp-tears.tumblr.com or twitter.com/HayleyB_James


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